It was April 12th, 1993, at 3:55 pm., He was a bitter, sarcastic old man wearing Birkenstock and a condescending attitude like an old hat. I still remember the lecture he gave me that day, criticizing my lack of altruism and my over abundance of self-absorption. He was supposed to be my coach. He was supposed to know what was best for me and but instead had a list of the reasons I was so wrong in my optimism. I was shocked. Ugh. Just thinking about how he tried to intoxicate me with negativity makes my head swim.
This was not the first time that happened, nor would it be the last. It would happen again and again and again. Every time there is a hit like that, I’d go into introspection mode. As I’m sure many of you do. The last time I had a blow like this was a few weeks ago, the culprit, was me. I told MYSELF that I wasn’t okay, just being me. How did that happen? I suppose it came from years of outside influence. But now I see it. Now I see how my own accusations have changed me. Maybe even stopped me from reaching for a goal or trying something new.
What does God think about me?
“Grace and peace be multiplied unto you through the knowledge of God, and of Jesus our Lord, According as His divine power hath given unto us all things that pertain unto life and godliness, through the knowledge of him that hath called us to glory and virtue:Whereby are given unto us exceeding great and precious promises: that by these ye might be partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust.” 2 Peter 1:2,3-4
Look at all the wonderful things God put inside me? God gave me a way to be right. Look at these verse. I am a partaker of the divine nature. So when I criticize myself, I am partly criticizing that nature. That’s GOD’S Nature. There is never anything to criticize about Him! That means I need to start seeing that I have more potential, more love, more of something special inside me then I realized. Why do I have to put myself down? Because I don’t have respect and love for what God is doing inside me. It’s like the fifty things someone says you did right but the one place you need self-improvement eats at you like a canker sore.
I went to my son’s graduation last night. Being five years old and graduating kindergarten is a big deal! But I sat saddened by the comments of one particularly religious looking Grandma in the crowd. Her toxic remarks kept coming and coming. “He’s so tired! Look at him yawn.” “His mother should’ve given him a nap today.” “That teacher needs to learn how to control those kids.” “He picks his nose too much.” And then after an especially adorable comment from her grandson, she criticized sarcastically, “Oh, my what a genius.” She was poking fun at him. This thread of acidic comments went out into the universe and I prayed that my son never heard them. It was bad enough that I heard them.
It made me feel sorry for the bitterness down in her heart. She couldn’t even say two nice things about the boy. Then I realized, I was raised that way too. No wonder I fight with cutting myself down and staying positive. I had no chance when I was young. All that optimism was smothered.
I decided today, those things would change. I would watch what I think, and watch what I say with more care than I ever have.
“If any man among you seem to be religious, and bridleth not his tongue, but deceiveth his own heart, this man’s religion is vain” James 1:26
It’s time to take my words more serious. It’s time to change history going forward. I will not waste my breath on idle criticisms and belittling thoughts about myself. I will control my tongue.
God Bless You Today!