How Do We “Get Over” Our Past Relationships?

Dating, marriage, and friendships, these lie in the category of relationships. There are five areas of life (financial, relationships, physical, emotional/mental, and spiritual). Relationships, especially for women are among the most discussed and anxiety filled. Why? Is it because we didn’t know how to do it right? Oh, maybe. Maybe we grew up with perfect parents and a happy God-filled home, even then every new relationship is different. They include different people with different pasts, idiosyncracies, likes and dislikes, heart’s desires and passions. How could we ever figure them out, much less get over them, once we’ve had a bad run?

Flowers for your Future-001

There is one principal in the Word of God for all five areas that can help with our question. I’ll get to that one principal in a minute, but first I’d like to cover a few other road blocks that can get in the way of us using that one principle effectively.

If you really want to get over a past relationship, then you have to be willing to push the road blocks out of your way. You have to be willing to do what it takes. This is your boot camp, this is your Litmus test. How bad do you want to move on? I can’t answer that for you, but I have been there before…

“Oh yeah, but Terri, look at your life. You have a happy husband, a little boy and you’re moving forward with God all the time.”

I’m not lying when I say that I’ve been there. Why don’t you believe me?

“I do, I guess… but Terri, you’re different.”

Hmmmm….don’t you want different? Has this life mentally satisfied you? Has thinking like you are thinking made you happy, blessed and prosperous? Or has it made you a worrier? Has it filled your days with anxiety? Has it broken your heart and made you feel worthless? Then yep…I’ve been there too. And, what I’m about to tell you really works.


Like I was saying… hey…are you listening?

“Uh, yes.”

Good, because the first road block is pride.

The second road block is assuming. Ha! This is one I could do in my sleep. I used to assume that no one would want me again after I broke up with ol’ whats-his-name. I used to assume that life couldn’t get better than it already was. I used to assume that I could decide better than God who I should date. I used to assume that I knew what was best for me. Yeah…I know it was a real epidemic. Assuming is not trusting. Assuming is a conclusion. Make sure you make godly conclusions, instead of evil conclusions about your life.

“….love… thinketh (concludes) no evil;” 1 Cor. 13:5

The third road block was a toughy that I recently, as in this last week, finally overcame. I waited for the other shoe to drop. I expected catastrophe. Even to the smallest degree. Do you know what I’d occasionally get. A dose of catastrophe. Why? I was believing for it. Our lives and realities are defined by what we believe about ourselves, our futures, our past and God. If we are constantly waiting and believing for the catastrophe to happen, what do you think will happen? Yep! Catastrophe. We have to recognize and grab hold of those thoughts right away before they get loose and do some epiluo exercises in our brain. Instead think what God thinks.

“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.”Jeremiah 29:11

The fourth road block is, what I call numb-bun-itis. Here’s how it happens. It’s when we’ve sat in those hard pews for so long barely listening to the someone preach over us and we’ve never had to crack a Bible and study for ourselves. We get lazy. We think if we go to service, that will be our dose of the Word for the week. Numb buns= numb brains. Look at the pharisees Jesus dealt with, they sat at the feet of years of scholarly preaching. He was constantly calling them thick-headed.  If the devil can numb you, he can lead you. Who would you rather be lead by? Break through numb-bun-itis and fight back. Become a workman of the Word for yourself. Does the Greek and original texts really say… Do you really have to do …. as a believer? Ask questions. Get hungry.

“Ever learning, and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth.” 2 Timothy 3:7

Okay, now for the one principle that works in all five areas of life.

“And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what [is] that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.” Romans 12:2

The definition of renewing the mind is putting the Word of God in mind and acting accordingly. This is also moving out beyond what you know in your past and doing something new. TOTALLY NEW! We are the ones who fight with our minds. We are the ones who decide what to think. God does not do that for us. We have an opportunity for fresh new experiences. If someone or something keeps bringing up your past, it is not of God. God is all about today and great hopes for tomorrow. Get on board with that and you’ll be done dwelling in the past. You’re worth it, so much so that the devil is trying hard to convince you otherwise. Defy him. Stand up to him by embracing your new life.

“Behold, I [am] the LORD, the God of all flesh: is there any thing too hard for me?” Jeremiah 32:27

God bless you today!

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