Friends are special. In my last post, we talked about koinonia, the full sharing kind of friendship. Koinonia is not safe to have with everyone. In fact, if you have one person in your life you can fully koinonia with, you are blessed. If you have more, you are spoiled! Koinonia is like the Rolls Royce of friendships. It has to be built over time and it is very rare. The world throws “best friend” around trying to describe it, but really, to really see incredible closeness and honesty, you have to do it God’s way. He did after all design it godly friendship.
Here are the five ingredients to koinonia and amazing friendships.
- “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship (koinonia) hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?” 2 Corinthians 6:14. This verse is written to the Church of God. And is a very strong warning about who you koinonia with or fully share your heart with. Be picky. Your heart is a very special and fought over thing. The devil, if given the chance, would break it and break it and break it until there was nothing left. Make sure when you fully share your heart with someone, first that someone is trust worthy and a like-minded believer. Wearing your heart on your sleeve has never been a good idea.
- Stick to the Light. “But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship (koinonia) one with another, and the blood of Jesus Christ his Son cleanseth us from all sin.” 1 John 1:7. Find a group of fellow believers who you can be real with. Who will take you back to the Word of God when you feel off your game. People who love and support you. That may only be a small group, but find them. If you are looking for a group that meets like that I suggest trying our Supporting Godly Women meetings, every Wednesday night. Friend me on Facebook and then sign up for notifications if you don’t live in Billings, MT. We send out a link to join us online, every week. We’d love to have you. Our meeting is about learning God’s Word, and loving each other.
- Work it out. Two people who come with millions of dissimilar thoughts, experiences, personalities and goals can live and grow up in the same family. All those nuances and differences don’t have to be a stumbling block. They can, instead, build on you as a person, because you can learn from them and they you. When these differences erupt into a disagreement, work it out. “Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath:” Eph. 4:26. Hang in there until it’s fixed. Communication is the key to great relationships. “Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.” Ephesians 4:29. Great communication, leads to great friendships. But there has to be boundaries and rules. If I know I’m going to call my friend and all she’s going to do is criticize how I’ve handled my life and affairs, I’m going to distance myself, and vice versa. You can’t always be 100% the cheerleader, but that’s where the Word comes in. Even if it corrects us, it edifies us. There has to be room for that in any friendship.
- These next two are usually missing from Christian friendships. “Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.” Ephesians 4:31-32. It’s so easy to let an old wound grow into bitterness than doesn’t get taken care of. Then, after a while, the friendship fades. Tender-hearted and kindly reaching out to bless a heart whether they appreciate it or not, heals even the deepest wounds.
- Make agape’ your standard. Agape is loving with the conscious decision to do, say or act the way God wants you to act. This includes adjusting your expectations. Ask God what you should expect from a friendship then re-adjust to what He says. Some people are really sentimental and supportive, others are not. If we know that ahead of time we can bless them just the way they need to be and love them up like God does. Agape’ is the true indicator of koinonia. And God is the most like-minded friend we could ever want to know. He gave us the gift of Holy Spirit so we could manifest His love in our friendships. Koinonia is only listed for the church of God. Never is it listed before the day of Pentecost, nor after the resurrection. It is a special administration just for this period of time. It can only be done with the access we now have as children of God. Learn what the characteristics of agape are. Agape means, The Love of God, in the renewed mind, IN manifestation. What better place to practice this then on our friends. It is a spiritual love, not an emotional human one. Which means checking in with God and learning what to pray for, or what to say, is exactly the best thing for each friendship you have.
I hope these bless you today. I know my friendships all mean a lot to me. Yours too. Koinonia is worth fighting for. It is the premier of all relationships. Strive to find someone today who you can have full sharing with. IF you don’t have anyone you always have God, who loves you like no one else could.
God bless you today!